Welcome to Fetlife. Mr. Grey will NOT see you now.

So, maybe you’ve read the “50 Shades” books, read one of the many knock-offs or saw the movie and you are now dying of curiosity. You suspect, deep in your heart that maybe you are submissive. You are certain there is a tall, handsome Dominant man out there who is just the perfect match for you.

So you came here. To find him. That Dom in the snappy suits who just knows what you need without discussion. He can read your unspoken desires like braille just from his touch and introduce you to all the things you are too scared to ask for.

Make no mistake. There are a lot of very good, Dominant men on Fetlife. Men who would make great partners, both in D/s and even relationships. Okay, you may have to wade through a small ocean of dick pictures and misogynistic douche nozzles to find them, but, trust me, they are here.

What you won’t find, however, is Christian Grey. If you do, you’d better run, because he is guaranteed to violate your consent and your boundaries and stands a good shot at being a narcissist and abuser.

The good ones you do find will talk to you about what you want. They will encourage you to speak openly and honestly about your desires. They will negotiate the hell out of scenes before laying a single flogger on you.

They will seek your enthusiastic consent and stop if you revoke it. They will never touch you without a safeword.

I realize this is all very boring. It requires communication and planning and removes some of the spontaneity of just going for it. It is supposed to. Just going for it is actually assault and potentially rape.

Sorry, to piss on your parade, my wide eyed neophyte but better I tell you a harsh truth than you learn it the hard way.

I know. I am a bastard. A cynical and bitter bastard intent on ruining your day and spoiling your romantic orgasm. I accept that.

Especially if it means your well being.

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